5 Parenting Tips On How To Skip The Terrible Twos  

All parents have heard of the "Terrible Twos" and it's not anything any of us look forward too; I sure didn't. But I guess I was one of the lucky ones. The five tips I've listed here are a handful of tried and true parenting methods I used with my kids and I'll tell you what, the "Terrible Twos" weren't so terrible afterall.

1. Pick your baby up when he or she cries The only form of communication that your child has when your bring him or her home from the hospital is crying. They don't know how to speak and they don't know sign language. And they are probably very frightened after going from being in a nice snug, warm tummy with food on demand and no worries about a dirty bottom, out into the wide open, sometimes cold, world. You would scream too! When your baby cries, you should always go through the usual check list: check the diaper, try to give them a bottle, maybe a pacifier to help them nap if they appear to be tired. But if nothing helps, then go for the last option, pick them up and hold them tight. In many cases, this is all they need to stop crying. And it teaches them at a very young age that you will always be there for them no matter what. Guess what that does: It builds trust between your and your child. This can be the most valuable lesson you and your child will ever learn and will carry you both into their adolescent and teen years.

2. Spend Time with them When you have a newborn, this is easy: You're nervous; you don't want them to get hurt, you hover to make sure that if they cry you can "fix" it right away. So by default you're always there and probably very tired because there's no time left for yourself. Well, guess what? That's how it will be, or should be, for at least the next eighteen years! As your children grow into toddlers and grade-schoolers, you get a little more freedom such as getting to use the bathroom alone. And they can pretty much hold their bottles or each a sandwich with very little supervision at that point too. So yep, now you can leave them with a babysitter and go out, get a break. This is ok once in a while, but when you start doing this on a regular basis, such as a few times a week, you might start to notice that the sitter is telling you about your child's "firsts." First words, first time they played catch, first poo in the potty...you get the idea. This is when a gap begins to form between you and your child.

If you're a working parent and have to have your kids in daycare, then this is even more critical. As a single, working mom, my two kids were in daycare throughout their entire childhood. And yes I know when you get home from work you are probably very tired and you really don't want to play with your child let alone entertain them. You have things to do such as change out of your work clothes, prepare dinner, clean up and relax! The good news is that there are a lot of things you can do with your child that won't cost money or take a lot of energy:

- Show them which pots and pans are needed for dinner and eventually they'll learn and will just do it when you ask.
- Let them help with simple things like putting the lid on the pot, or pouring vegetables into the microwave dish.
- After dinner while you are cleaning up, have them get out a game you'd like to play, or
- A book you can read to them,
- Or a favorite video you can watch together.

You see, even if you don't talk, the act of just being with them will let them know that you love them and like to be with them. This will have a profound effect on them as they grow into adolescents and then teens. Which takes us to the very next tip:

3. Listen to your children The key word here is "Listen," not "Talk." You already know what you know. Do you really need to hear it again and again? Not when your child is a toddler. Just close your mouth and listen. Don't criticize, don't judge, just listen.

This will help you to learn and understand the person your child is going to become. It also gives them the feeling that you will always listen to them...as well you should. Just think, one day one of your kids will come home from school and tell you what they heard at school about some girl getting moved to another school because she asked her mom what a "french kiss" was. Then they'll ask you questions! That's when you get to talk. And you know what? They will listen to you! Funny how that works!

So when you think your 3 year old is just babbling about "stupid" stuff, guess what? It's important enough to them to want to tell you, so just listen. One day the stuff they say won't be so stupid and you'll be glad of two things: first, at least they told you someone offered them a joint, and second, you actually heard what they said. And remember, don't panic, don't criticize, don't judge, and don't punish them for telling you. The alternative is that they will stop telling you. And that's how you get uncommunicative teenagers!

4. Set and enforce boundaries (Also known as rules.) There are three steps to doing this:

- First you have to figure out what kind of behavior or results you want.
- Then decide who is, or should be responsible for what. You don't have to write it down unless you're a "list" kind of person, like me, or, you're memory is shot, also like me. Either way, no one is too young or too old to follow rules.
- Lastly, determine the consequences or rewards that should be doled out if the rules are not followed, or if they are. Oh, and make sure these are age appropriate.

For example, a baby should not pull your earrings or your glasses. If they do it, then you squeeze their little hand and say "NO" very firmly. I hate to say it to loud, but the first time my daughter did pulled my earrings it really hurt so I was a bit loud. Either way, in most cases you will have to repeat yourself up to three or four times. If you ask, "How many times do I have to tell you?" The answer is, "As many times as necessary until you get the desired behavior."

As your children get older the types of rules and consequences change. A toddler needs to pick up their toys every night, or get ready for bed at a certain time. If they don't, the consequences might be to give them a quick pat on the butt. (No I don't advocate all out spanking where the child is crying out in pain. A quick, firm smack will just get their attention.) If they promptly put their toys away, a short and sincere praising along with a good hug and a kiss will be a great reward. Or read them a short bedtime story if they get ready for bed on time: Late for bed? Then no bedtime story.

5. Tell them you love them

- Bottom line, you can never say this too much:
- Say it first thing in the morning, last thing at bedtime.
- When you pick them up from daycare,
- When you sit down for dinner.
- When you're giving them their bath or drying them off.
- When you're playing a game,
- When you're taking their picture,
- When you're pushing them in a stroller, taking them for a walk or just when you pick them up to give them a hug.
- When they leave to go to a friends house,
- When they come home.

There are no guarantees in life, but I can assure you that if you start working these five parenting behaviors into your daily interaction with your child at a very young age (birth would be the ideal age), you will notice a very warm, trusting, two-way relationship develop between you, and the two year old won't be so terrible at all! Keep it up through their entire childhood and you get a bonus: a great teenager!

About the Author

Janet is the author of "You Can't Love Your Children Too Much!" A single mom's thoughts on raising children. Remarried in 2003, she was a single parent of two kids for the better part of 14 years and is a strong advocate of the belief that being a single parent is no excuse for raising juvenile delinquents. For more parenting tips read a sample chapter, or find out how to order a copy of the book, at www.ms-mom.com.